The Darkside of Gratitude: When Annoyance Drives The Change You Need

I failed

I set a goal and didn't meet it.

I went for a job I had waited to be posted for months.

Went through 3 rounds of interviews

Made it to the final 3

And I didn't get it.

You ever had that moment where you really wanted something and it was just out of your reach?

I was pissed off

A little upset

Beyond frustrated

Unsure what this now means for my future

Feedback from friends and colleagues was to say how I did well to make it to the final 3, you have to be in it to win it, better luck next time, be grateful for the opportunity.

None of that is wrong

But it wasn't helping

Then I figured it out

Being grateful and in a near constant state of gratitude doesn't help

Whoa

Hang on Dan,

Aren't you supposed to always be grateful and express gratitude to help get out of a bad mood?

That's what all the self help gurus say!

Being pissed off actually helped me come to a realisation that just being grateful for the opportunity wouldn't have led me too.

That realization was...

The manager was 100% right not to offer me that job.

- I approached the interview with nerves and not enough confidence

- I didn't let myself shine

- I didn't give the best examples I could have

- I actually over prepared

- That role may not actually have been as good a fit for me as I initially thought.

Gratitude is important.

You need to take a look at what you do have and be thankful for it.

But you also need to leverage other emotions

Explore them

Help them guide you to a path or outcome no matter how painful that process could be.

Be honest with yourself.

Your a working parent trying to balance a job, kids, a family and everything that comes with that.

It's damn hard and you probably judge yourself harshly for not being super mom or super dad.

Instead of resenting it or just burying it so deep you think you can't feel it.

Harness it!